Prompt: The Princess Bride
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Doctor/Tosh, Andy/Donna, Rhys/Kathy, Mickey/Martha, John/Owen, Wilf/Estelle, Gwen, Mica, Steven, Wilf,
Spoilers: The whole movie of The Princess Bride
Warnings: Attempts at suicide and character deaths
Word Count: 18,884
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, Doctor Who or the movie the Princess bride.
Summary: Grandpa Wilf tells his grandkids an interesting story.
Moving through the castle corridor, Ianto found himself being carried piggy-back by Rhys, as he still had not regained the full use of his body.
And who should they come upon but Count Owen and a handful of guards?
Owen turned to his men and gave the orders. “Kill the woman and the giant, but leave the third for questioning.”
Owen could only watch as Tosh, Rhys and Ianto took out his men one by one.
Her sword drawn and stepping over the fallen soldiers, Tosh made her way towards Owen. “Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother. Prepare to die,” she growled out.
Owen looked at her and stepping into a fighting stance, only to turn and run down the corridor. With a snarl, Tosh gave chase.
Sadly, Owen not only had a head start on her, but also knew the castle, so Tosh was a moment too late as Owen ran into a room and locked the door behind him.
“Rhys!!!! I need you!!!” Tosh yelled as she slammed herself up against the door, trying to break it open.
Rhys looked at the still-weak Ianto. “I can’t leave him alone,” he called back.
“He’s getting away from me, Rhys! Please!” Tosh was begging as the door was too thick and solid to break under her small frame.
Rhys spotted a suit of armour and dragged Ianto over to it. He threaded Ianto’s limp arms through that of the suit. “I’ll be right back,” he promised before heading off to help Tosh.
Tosh was still struggling against the door; no door was going to keep her from her revenge. She backed up to take another run at it, only for two big hands to slam against it,
breaking the door under the force. Tosh looked up at Rhys and gave him a heartfelt, “Thank you.” Then she was gone.
Rhys made his way back to where he left Ianto, only to be greeted by an empty suit. “Where did he go?” he asked the empty space.
In a different part of the castle the king was escorting Jack to the honeymoon suite.
“Strange wedding,” the king muttered to Jack.
In response Jack gave the king a kiss.
The king looked at Jack with shock in his eyes. “What was that for?” he asked.
“Because you’ve always been so kind to me, and I won’t be seeing you again, since I’m killing myself once we reached the honeymoon suite,” he informed him.
The king laughed, “Won’t that be nice? He kissed me!” The king laughed again as he escorted Jack to the suite.
Tosh and Owen engaged in a very intense duel out of the room, down a set of stairs, and into the cellar dining room.
Try as she might, it seemed Tosh was no match for Owen, as she had many bleeding wounds. “Sorry, mother. I tried. I tried,” she murmured as she slumped against the wall.
Owen took a good look at her, finally placing the woman. “You must be that little Japanese brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible; have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that’s the worst thing I have ever heard. How marvellous,” Owen gloated.
In the honeymoon suite, Jack sat in a chair with a knife poised to strike his heart; he refused to live in a world where he could not be with Ianto. ‘Maybe we will be together in our next life,’ Jack thought.
“There is a shortage of perfect chests in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours,” a voice spoke up from behind Jack.
Whirling around, Jack dropped the knife at the sight of Ianto laid out on the bed.
Like a shot, Jack was off his chair and on the bed pressing kisses on Ianto’s face and letting his hands roam everywhere. “Ianto! Oh, Ianto, darling.” Jack pulled back to look at Ianto. “Ianto, why won’t you hold me?” Jack asked, a pout forming on his very kissable mouth.
Ianto cursed his body, wishing he had more strength to do what Jack wanted. “Gently,” Ianto was forced to tell him.
Jack could only stare at Ianto like he was crazy. “At a time like this, that’s all you can think to say, ‘gently’?” With a huff, Jack released Ianto’s head.
“Gently,” Ianto reminded again as he hit his head, a slight sound of pain escaped his lips.
Down in the dining room, Owen gloating at the memory of her beloved mother’s death gave Tosh the strength to climb to her feet.
“Good heavens. Are you still trying to win? You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It’s going to get you into trouble someday,” Owen told her.
Tosh took a step forward, her rage giving her strength. “Hello. My name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.” With that said, Tosh lunged at Owen.
Owen found himself on the defence as Tosh struck back with vengeance. He barely dodged the fatal blow, but not without taking a slash to the arm.
“Hello. My name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.” Tosh told him as their swords clashed.
“Hello. My name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother. Prepare to die,” Tosh snarled as Owen ducked her swing and her sword knocked everything off the mantel behind him.
“Stop saying that!” Owen roared, becoming unsettled at Tosh’s endless litany.
Tosh didn’t answer, just lunged at Owen. They duelled some more and soon Tosh had Owen pinned to the table, the tip of her sword at his neck.
“Hello. My name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother. Prepare to die,” she said fiercely, moving her sword across his neck.
‘No!” Owen begged.
“Offer me money!” Tosh ordered, stabbing Owen in the shoulder.
“Yes!” Owen agreed.
“Power, too. Promise me that!” she demanded.
“All that I have and more. Please,” Owen pleaded.
“Offer me everything I ask for!” Tosh snarled at him.
Owen nodded his head. “Anything you want,” he agreed.
“I want my mother back, you son of a bitch,” Tosh snarled as she stabbed him through his heart.
Back on the bed in the honeymoon suite, Jack was stroking Ianto’s cheek. “Oh, Ianto, will you ever forgive me?” he asked, not sure how he could bear living with Ianto hating him.
Ianto glanced at the man laying on top of him still. “What hideous sin have you committed lately?” Ianto asked his beloved.
“I got married. I didn’t want to. It all happened so fast,” Jack confessed to Ianto.
Ianto shrugged. “Never happened.”
Jack stared at Ianto like he was crazy. “What?” he questioned.
“Never happened,” Ianto repeated.
Oh, how badly Jack wanted to believe what Ianto was saying was true. “But it did. I was there. This old man said ‘man and husband’,” Jack sadly informed Ianto.
“Did you say ‘I do’?” Ianto asked.
Jack thought about it for a second. “Uh, no. We sort of skipped that part,” he admitted.
“Then you’re not married. If you didn’t say it, you didn’t do it. Wouldn’t you agree, Your Highness?” Ianto called over to the doorway, where John stood.
“A technicality that will shortly be remedied, but first things first, to the death,” John declared holding out his sword.
“No, to the pain,” Ianto countered, propping himself up with is elbows.
John looked at Ianto with confusion. “I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase.”
Ianto smirked. “I’ll explain. And I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.”
John glared at the man. “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared to insult me.”
“It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet, below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.” Even though he was still on the bed, Ianto was able to look quite menacing.
John rolled his eyes. “And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight,” he promised.
“I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye, followed by your right,” Ianto continued on.
“And then my ears, I understand, let’s get on with it,” John ordered, falling into a fighting stance.
“Wrong! Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish, every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out ‘Dear God, what is that thing?’ will echo in your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain’ means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever,” Ianto told him in an even tone.
“I think you’re bluffing.” John’s voice shook just a little, something Ianto caught onto.
Ianto shrugged. “It is possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.” With that, Ianto climbed to his feet and pointed his sword at John. “Drop…your…sword,” he ordered, deadly calm.
John, not quite as stupid as he looked, saw he had no choice and did as he was told.
“Have a seat,” Ianto offered.
John carefully arranged his robes and sat on a nearby chair.
Ianto turned to Jack. “Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like.”
With a happy grin, Jack did as Ianto asked, taking great pride in making sure they were tight. John let out a noise of protest as his wrists were bound tighter than they needed to be. Once that task was done Jack returned to Ianto’s side. His beloved was leaning against the bedpost, his strength gone from him.
Having searched for Ianto, Tosh followed the sounds of voices, entering the room, she noticed one of them was missing. “Where’s Rhys?” she asked.
Ianto blinked. “I thought he was with you.” He admitted the last time he had seen the other man, he was off to help Tosh.
“No,” Tosh shook her head; she had thought Rhys had come to find Ianto.
Ianto got a thoughtful look on his face. “In that case--whoa!” Ianto had tried to take a step away from the bed, only for him to nearly fall on his face, save for Jack’s quick reflexes.
“Help him,” Tosh ordered, moving towards John to keep an eye on the prince.
Fear gripped Jack as he supported Ianto’s weight. “Why does Ianto need helping?” he asked Tosh.
Tosh saw the fear and worry in Jack’s eyes and let a soft smile take over her face. “Because he has no strength,” she informed him.
“I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was … bluffing.” John’s gloating faded away as Tosh’s sword, still dripping with Owen’s blood, pressed against his throat.
“Shall I dispatch him for you?” She asked Ianto.
Ianto shook his head in the negative. “Thank you, but no. Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life alone with his cowardice,” he informed Tosh.
Seeing his point, Tosh removed the sword from John’s neck, her eyes clearly telling him he got off lucky, and then, whispered just for his ears alone, “Count Owen is dead, and to live without the one you love is the perfect punishment for you.”
John felt unbearable pain explode in his chest at the knowledge of a life without Owen.
“Tosh! Tosh! Where are you?” Hearing the calling of her name, Tosh helped Jack to move Ianto towards the window. Looking down they found Rhys holding the reigns of four white horses.
“Oh, there you are.” Rhys smiled up at the three of them, “Tosh, I saw the prince’s stable, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever found Ianto’s beloved. So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did,” Rhys happily explained to them.
Tosh was impressed and a little shocked. “Rhys, you did something right,” she informed her friend.
“Don’t worry; I won’t let it go to my head,” Rhys told her with an easygoing smile.
Tosh looked at Ianto. “You know, it is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life,” she admitted to him.
“Have you ever considered piracy? You’d make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.” Ianto told her seriously.
Tosh grinned. “You never know I might, but that will have to wait. I have a Doctor to visit.”
“They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Ianto and Jack knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for one another...”Wilf trailed off.
“What? What?” Steven demanded.
“Well it’s kissing again: you don’t want to hear that,” Wilf reminded Steven.
“Well Mica likes it, so I won’t mind all that much,” Steven told him.
Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure.
This one left them all behind.
And just like their first kiss, the dawning of the new day was the backdrop as Ianto and Jack shared the kiss that only those who are with their soul mates, their true love, can share.
“The End. Now I think it is time for you two to go to sleep,” Wilf told them.
Steven and Mica both snuggled down into their beds. “Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to us tomorrow,” Steven called out.
Mica nodded her head in agreement.
Wilf smiled at the two. “As you wish.”
Ianto and Jack both arrived home about the same time, which was late into the evening. They meet in the driveway where they shared a brief but passionate kiss, leaving Ianto no doubt that his husband was up for some alone time tonight.
Wilf smiled as the two entered, love shining in their eyes.
“Thank you for doing this,” Jack told Wilf before looking over his shoulder at Ianto. “I’m going to go check on the kids,” he informed his husband. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Wilf, it was just that they were his babies and they were sick.
Ianto gave him a fond look and Jack bounced up the stairs.
Ianto turned to look at Wilf. “Were the kids any trouble?” he asked.
Wilf shook his head. “No, I read them a story and they were good as gold.”
Jack smiled as he entered the children’s room. Seeing they were asleep, he pressed a kiss on Steven’s forehead, glad to see it felt cooler than before. “Daddy loves you, little man,” he whispered.
Jack then moved on towards Mica and smiled as he saw she was a little awake. “Hey there, sweetie, did you enjoy Grandpa Wilf’s visit?” he asked, placing a kiss on her forehead.
Mica nodded sleepily. “I liked the story he told; Taddy and you were in it.”
“Was I the dashing hero?” Jack asked; he liked playing the hero.
Mica shook her head no. “Nope, Tad was, you were the princess that needed to be rescued,” she informed him.
Jack stared, slack-jaw. “And why did Grandpa make me the princess?” he asked, not believing it.
“He said something about you being a drama queen. Night, daddy,” Mica told her dad before snuggling closer and letting sleep retake her.
A slight chuckle at the door had Jack turning his glare on Ianto.
After giving his own good night kisses to the twins, Ianto bit back a grin at the pout forming on Jack’s face. “You will always be my dashing hero,” Ianto purred at Jack. “Why don’t I show you?”
The pout quickly faded into a leer as Jack happily followed Ianto. Catching him around the waist, Jack pulled Ianto into a purely loving kiss outside of the children’s bedroom.
Little Mica opened an eye and softly sighed, “So that’s a true love kiss.”