Word Count: 31,421
Prompt: Wedding Crashers
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, John/Tosh, Harold Saxon/Gwen, Jake/Ace, some Grey/Ianto, Owen/Andy, Doctor/Martha and others
Summary: Jack and John made a career out of crashing weddings looking for quick hook-ups, but one wedding changes everything when they meet Ianto and Tosh. Everything they know changes; have they finally found their perfect matches?
Warnings: Language and sexual scenes
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or the movie Wedding Crashers.
Out on the deck, Jack and Harold are quietly savouring their cigars and enjoying the ocean view.
“Jack, you seem like an astute man.” Harold suddenly broke the silence.
“Thank you, sir.” Jack was wondering where Harold was going with this.
“Maybe you can help explain something to me.” Harold nodded towards the corner of the deck, “See that young man over there?”
Jack followed Harold’s gaze and saw a young man, standing alone at the edge of the waves. He looks intense, morose, artistic. They watched as he plucked petals off a rose and tossing them into the ocean, watching each petal intently as it falls. Jack can only conclude that this is the middle son, Andy.
A sigh escaped Harold’s lips. “That’s my son, Andy. Twenty-seven years old. The whole world in front of him. Every advantage in life, advantages I never had. Well, that’s not exactly true. He had the same advantages I had, which is a hell a lot of advantages, so here’s my question: what the hell does he have to be so blood unhappy about?” He growled out the words before taking a long sip of his drink.
Jack shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, sir. Maybe he hasn’t found anything to believe in yet.” Jack offered. Family counselling wasn’t part of his repertoire.
“Oh, he says he believes in art.” The absolute disdain was clear in Harold’s voice. “But all I’ve seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas, and then smear it around with a stick.”
“Well, some people think that’s art.” Jack responded when Harold paused to take another sip of his drink.
“It’s crap. Whatever happened to public service, our obligation to our fellow man?” Harold paused once again as he caught sight of a passing waitress and he held up his glass, “Um, Lucy? My daiquiri’s at half-mast.”
With utter adoration in her eyes, Lucy took the glass from Harold’s hand. “Right away, sir,” she purred at him before rushing off to fill his glass.
Jack watched the scene with interest before deciding he should answer the man’s question, “I’m sure he’s, you know, just finding his way.” He tried to make the words sound convincing, even though he agreed in part with his host.
Harold mulled over Jack’s words for a moment. “And perhaps I should take it a little easier on him?” He suggested, mostly to himself.
Once again Jack shrugged his shoulders. “Perhaps; it certainly couldn’t hurt.”
Harold had to admit that Jack might have a point. “Yeah. Maybe your right.”
“Death! You are my bitch lover!” Andy chose that moment to scream out to the ocean.
“Good, Andy, that’s good! You tell that… mean… old… ocean.” Harold called out to his son, trying to offer his support. Jack gave the man a big smile and nodded at his attempts to encourage his son.
In a deserted cove Tosh and John were getting cosy, and the look on Tosh’s face showed that she was clearly smitten with John.
“And so you dove into the icy water to save him?” Awe was obvious in Tosh’s voice.
John shrugged, acting like it was no big deal. “Yeah, well, I’m sure anyone would do the same.”
Tosh let out a curious noise. “I’ve always wondered about this. It’s so amazing to me. Why would anyone risk their own life to save the life of someone they don’t even know?” She moved in closer to John.
John knew it was time to turn up the romance factor. “Well, the great 19th century philosopher, Schopenhauer, asked that very question and this is how he answered it. He said at that moment when a person sees another in danger, there’s a breaking in of a metaphysical awareness. You know what that awareness is?” John asked softly.
“What?” Tosh whispered expectantly.
“That we are all one. That separateness is an illusion. That I am one with everyone. The Prime Minister of England, my great Uncle Pete, you, me, the fat kid on ‘What’s Happening.’ We are all one.” John told her, passion lacing his every word.
“We are?” Tosh was breathless now, intensely aware of the man she was with.
“Yes.” John took her hand in his. “My hand is your hand,” John stroked Tosh’s cheek. “My cheek is your cheek,” John then trailed his finger across Tosh’s lips, “My lips…” John trailed off.
Tosh was more than happy to pick up where he left off. “Are my lips?”
“Yes.” John whispered, his eyes fixed on hers, and that’s all it took before Tosh was kissing him passionately.
Jack was still talking to Harold Saxon when Ianto joined them out on the deck, and Jack felt his heart leap at the sight of the beautiful man.
A bright smile lit up Harold’s face as he spotted his youngest, and most favourite, son. “Ianto, there’s someone I want you to meet. This is Jack Smith.” Harold introduced them as he wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders.
Ianto smiled; knowing that Jack must have made quite the impression on his father if the older man was actually introducing them. “We’ve met. He’s psychic.” Ianto teased Jack.
Harold looked between his son and the man he had been talking to and he could see the small spark of something passing back and fourth between them; he didn’t know if he should encourage it or not. “Really? Well, maybe he can tell me where my daiquiri is.” He joked back before shouting for Lucy and then taking his leave to hunt for his missing drink.
Ianto waited for his dad to leave before he turned his attention to Jack and smiled at the man. “You’re a big hit at this wedding,” he stated.
“A lot of nice people here.” Jack lied through his teeth.
“They’re full of shit.” Ianto stated bluntly.
Jack choked on the drink he had just taken and swallowed hard. “Excuse me?” That truly was not the response he had been expecting back.
Ianto shrugged, coming to lean against the deck railing. “The only reason ninety per cent of these people are here is because of my dad. They’re all suckling at the power-teat.”
Jack shook his head fondly before joining Ianto at the deck railing, casually standing close to him. “Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here, the crab cakes and the power-teat. When does the suckling begin, by the way? After the first dance?” Jack asked, pleased to see a smile tilt the corners of Ianto’s mouth.
Ianto let out a soft laugh. “I don’t know. Everyone’s walking around trying to act like they care. It’s awful. Plus, the place is rife with lawyers. A gazillion lawyers.”
Jack straightened up slightly when he heard the distain in those beautiful Welsh vowels at the mention of lawyers. “Not big on lawyers, huh?” He asked nonchalantly trying to figure out why Ianto didn’t like them.
“Hate ‘em. I mean… you’re not one, are you?” Ianto asked, afraid he might have offended Jack.
Jack quickly shook his head and once again lied. “Oh, God, no! But just out of curiosity, what have you got against lawyers?” He didn’t know why this was so important to him. He’d met dozen of people who hated lawyers, so why did Ianto’s opinion mean so much to him?
“Lawyers are, by nature, liars. And I hate liars.” Ianto admitted and Jack felt a sharp pang in his chest. Before the conversation could go any further, sounds of laughter had them turning to see a few people slapping Harold on the back and sharing a laugh with him. “See? Suckling.” Ianto gestured to the scene.
“Ah, so now it begins, and so public, too.” Jack couldn’t help but laugh; he was finding Ianto completely adorable. Jack decided it was time to begin his plan of seducing this wonderful man into his bed. “There may be some truths to what you are saying, but I prefer to think that most people come to weddings, even an ‘event’ this one, because they want to believe they’re in the presence of true love, that true love is possible.” Jack pointed out softly. “Even for the lawyers. Even for the suckers.”
“True love, huh? And what is true love to Jack Smith?” Ianto asked Jack, resting his chin on his hand and looking at Jack.
Jack blinked; never before had a mark asked him what true love meant to him. They were always too willing to share their own interpretation. “Well… true love is your soul’s recognition of its one true counterpart in another.” Jack can tell that his answer moved Ianto even though the younger man tried to hide it.
“That’s a little grandiose, don’t you think?” Ianto said trying to hide his true feelings, but Jack’s answer had struck at his heart, echoing his own sentiments.
“Perhaps.” Jack shrugged; he could see that he’d really gotten to the other man. “So, are you giving the toast?” He asked changing the subject, for which Ianto was grateful.
“Yes! Normally I’m terrible at these things, but I think this one’s pretty good.” At this point Ianto handed Jack the folded-up paper he had been carrying in his pocket. “I had to fight the urge to be completely honest. What do you think?” Ianto wanted to know the man honest opinion.
“I saw your honest opinion up at the altar,” Jack grinned, making Ianto blush slightly. After a quick read through Jack gave Ianto the honest opinion he wanted. “I think the urge won.”
Ianto frowned. “What are you talking about?! I think this speech is pretty good!” he exclaimed, making no attempt to hide the disappointment in his voice.
Jack shook his head. “You can’t say this, Ianto.”
Ianto’s frown grew deeper. “Why not?” He truly wanted to know.
Jack began reading part of the speech aloud. “I never thought my sister would find someone who cared about what people thought as much as she did. Until I met Jake.”
“What? It’s funny. Funny because it’s true. People like funny.” Ianto reminded Jack; a tiny pout crossed his face.
“No,” Jack shook his head; he didn’t want to insult Ianto, but neither did he want to see him make a fool of himself. “See, the funny-because-it’s-true bit only works if the truth is a small thing, like ‘Tim’s a little frugal’ or ‘We all know Rose likes to shop. Ha. Ha’. I mean, people are here for a wedding, not to see Don Rickles at the Sands. I’d give it a fifteen, maybe a twenty per cent chance of a laugh. Not worth the risk. See, people want something from the heart at the wedding.” Jack told Ianto straight. “This would have been great at the stag do, though.”
Ianto was more than a little perturbed by Jack’s attitude. “Well, I think people are gonna love it.”
“Nope, you’re gonna get dead silence. Crickets,” Jack warned.
“You’re wrong. I’m going to stick with it.” Ianto snatched his speech from Jack’s hands and stalked off back to the party.
“Fine. I’ll be in the back of the room waiting to tell you I told you so.” Jack called to Ianto’s retreating back and grinning broadly. He really liked this stubborn side to the Welshman.
It was time for the toasts and the best man, Rory, was finishing up an amazing speech. “But I think Bruce Springsteen said it best when he said, ‘Someday baby, I don’t know when, we’re gonna find that place where we walk in the sun.’ And I just want to say how happy I am that my best friend and the woman he loves have found that place. It’s truly inspiring to us all.”
An audible ‘aww’ came from the guest, and they clinked their glasses together in salute. Jack made sure he was standing at the back of the room where Ianto couldn’t miss seeing him. When Ianto reached the lectern and unfolded his speech, Jack managed to catch Ianto’s eye and he faked a gagging motion.
Ianto fought back a laugh as he began to make his speech. “I never thought my sister would find anyone who cared about what people thought as much as she did. Until I met Jake.” And exactly as Jack had warned him, no one found it funny; in fact, some people actually looked dismayed. Ianto could only hope the rest of his speech went over better. “As you all know, both my sister and Jake are in explosives work for big companies. But that’s not the only thing they have in common. You, see they both have the same favourite colour. Red.” Ianto pause for a beat before continuing on, “Uh… like… fire. You know?” Again, not a single laugh and several guests were beginning to shift in their seats.
Panicking, Ianto abandoned his speech. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not really good at this sort of thing.” For some reason he couldn’t explain, Ianto sought out Jack at the back of the room. He met Jack’s eye and saw Jack point at his heart. Giving Jack a minute nod, Ianto took a deep breath.
“But I will tell you this. I’ve heard it said that true love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpart in another. That’s a very rare thing in this world and it’s something to be valued. And I’m just really happy that my sister has found it.”
Ianto let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding when the crowd began to ‘aww’ and in a shocking move, Ace burst into tears and rushed up to hug Ianto tightly. The sound of the guest’s thunderous applause was lost to Jack and Ianto as their eyes met again, and Jack motioned for Ianto to join him at the bar.
John struggled to regain his breath, the mid-day sun was reflecting off the water and Tosh’s head was pillowing on his chest; the only thing covering them was a single blanket. “That was so amazing,” Tosh said with a great big smile.
John, not really caring, muttered, “Yeah, great. What do you say we head back?”
Tosh acted like she didn’t hear John as she happily exclaimed, “I always knew my first time would be on a beach. I’m just so happy it was with you.”
Gulping in fear, John blurted out. “Wait a minute, first time?” and when Tosh nodded, John’s voice rose to a high pitch squeak. “You were a virgin?”
Tosh snuggled closer to John. “Mm-hmm. Oh, John, we’re gonna be so happy together. I love you.” Tosh declared with a big smile on her face, never noticing the look of absolute panic on John.
As Jack and Ianto met up at the bar, Ianto smiled gratefully at Jack and gave him a heartfelt, “Thank you.”
“Now you know never to doubt me.” Jack gave Ianto a cocky grin.
“God, it was exhilarating. It was…” Ianto had no words that could describe what he was feeling and he was about to lean in and hug Jack in thanks another body swooped in and cut him off.
“Ianto, you were awesome!” Grey declared before pulling Ianto into a kiss. Jack could only stare, dumbstruck, unable to understand the hurt he was feeling.
Ianto pulled away from the man kissing him and turned to face Jack; he suddenly felt guilty for kissing Grey in front of the other man and he didn’t know why. “Uh, Jack, this is my boyfriend, Grey.”
“Nice to meet you.” Jack mumbled half-heartedly.
Grey completely ignored Jack and grasped Ianto’s hand. “Let’s dance.”
Ianto turned his attention back to Jack. “It was great meeting you.” As he shook Jack’s hand Ianto tried to ignore the jolt of lightening that went through his body at the simple touch.
“Yeah, you too.” It took all of Jack’s willpower to release Ianto’s hand and he took a big swallow of his drink as he watched Ianto and Grey move onto the dance floor.
When a very out-of-breath John rushed up to Jack there was panic in his eyes. “Dude, we’ve got to get out of here. ASAP! I’ve got a stage-five clinger.” John hissed to Jack as his eyes darted around anxiously.
“I need more time.” Jack mumbled back, never taking his eyes off of Ianto.
John was ready to shake some sense into his friend. “You’re not hearing me. She’s a stage-five clinger! A virgin clinger! I’ll start the car.” John rolled his eyes when he saw that his friend’s gaze was still locked on Ianto. “Give it up already. His sister told me he’s got a boyfriend. Tough luck. We all got our bad days. I need to leave right now!” But all ideas of escaping vanished as Harold Saxon, along with his wife and Tosh, approached them.
“There you two are.” Harold greeted them with a smile.
John butted in, answering before Jack could. “Actually, we’re just about to leave. It’s been a lovely wedding.” He turns his attention to Tosh and lies right through his teeth, “I’ll call you. It’s a promise.”
Harold completely ignored John and turned his attention to Jack. “Well, look, we always hate to see a wedding end so we kept the party going back in our little place on the Vineyard. It’s sort of our family tradition. And, well, since we’ve all taken a shine to you, we’d love you to be our guests for the weekend. What do you say?” Harold offered.
Tosh smiled hopefully keeping her eyes on John, and Gwen did the same, hungrily devouring both John and Jack with her eyes. Ianto and Grey join the group, curiosity and a little hope shining in Ianto’s blue eyes. He’s heard the last of his dad’s invitation.
Not taking his eyes off of Ianto, Jack answered, “We’d love to.”
“What?!” The word exploded out of John’s mouth, and realizing that everyone was staring at him, he quickly added, “We don’t have any other clothes!”
Harold waved off John’s concern with a simple, “Oh, we have everything you need out on the island.”
“But I promised my Granny I’d take her to the park.” John hoped playing the Granny card would stop any more talk of spending the weekend with these people.
“And I’m sure daddy can hire someone to take your Granny to the park.” Tosh spoke up; she was determined to spend more time with John.
“Not a problem.” Harold thought his daughter’s idea was wonderful. “I know just the person; she’s taken care of my own mother for years, John. Your Granny is in very capable hands.”
Jack smiled. “Great! Done.” He strands heavily on John’s foot halting his friend from saying anything else as Harold slapped Jack on the back.