Word Count: 31,421
Prompt: Wedding Crashers
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, John/Tosh, Harold Saxon/Gwen, Jake/Ace, some Grey/Ianto, Owen/Andy, Doctor/Martha and others
Summary: Jack and John made a career out of crashing weddings looking for quick hook-ups, but one wedding changes everything when they meet Ianto and Tosh. Everything they know changes; have they finally found their perfect matches?
Warnings: Language and sexual scenes
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or the movie Wedding Crashers.
Two months later
Two months had passed since Jack and John had last spoken, and the tension between them and the effect it had on the office staff had gotten so bad that Jack had taken a job offer in Swansea. It was his last day in London, and Jack was wearing a fake smile at the party his office friends were throwing him, all the while noticing that John was nowhere to be seen. Despite their estrangement, that made Jack feel even sadder about leaving.
Alone in his office, John can hear the sounds of the party drifting down the hall. Part of him really wanted to join in the festivities, to wish Jack the best at his new position; instead he did nothing but take another sip of his drink.
A few days later Jack is in his office, in the middle of packing up his belongings when John bursts in. “Okay, don’t say anything! Not a word. Let me just say this. What you said outside the beach club, it was true, well about thirty percent of it, anyway.” At Jack’s look, John sighs. “Okay, it was all true. I haven’t grown up and I’m covering for some pain and I don’t know. Look, I’m sorry I fucked up the Ianto thing for you.”
“You didn’t fuck up anything.” Jack told his friend and John smiled at him. “Well, I mean you did, but it wasn’t your fault. How could I ever expect to woo the person of my dreams by crashing a wedding? It was ridiculous,” Jack admitted.
“Well, we did have fun at all of them.” John grinned.
“No doubt, my friend.” Jack agreed and he pulled John into a hug. As they pull away Jack continued. “I just need to make a new start. Preferably in a place where I’m not under a restraining order.” He tried to smile but failed miserably.
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just I was thinking we should go out one more time before you leave,” John suggested.
Jack shrugged; he couldn’t see anything wrong with that. “Yeah, that’d be great. What do you want to do?”
“Well, there’s this wedding…” John’s voice trailed off when he saw the look on Jack’s face.
“John…” Jack groans out.
“Come on. For old times’ sake.” John pouted at his friend.
“No way. I’m done with that.” Jack tried to stay strong despite the look his friend was giving him.
“This’ll be the last one, I swear! A send-off. Do it for me. Fifteen years of friendship.” When Jack sighed and rolled his eyes, John knew had he won.
A few hours later
After they entered the church Jack stopped John. “You do know this is the last time I’m doing this, right?” He reminded John firmly.
“Absolutely,” John agreed.
Jack eyed his friend suspiciously before turning to the altar and he was surprised to see the wedding was already in progress. His heart skipped a beat, in fact, it skipped several beats, when he realized that it was Ianto’s wedding they had just crashed. He turned to John in disbelief, ready to ask what they were doing here, of all places. When John just smiled at him and nodded towards Ianto, Jack knew the answer to his unasked question.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Jack admitted softly.
“Sure you can. He’s the man of your dreams.” John encouraged his friend.
“Oh man,” Jack mumbled, and he could feel a sweat break out on his chest.
“It’s your big moment. Dazzle the jury.” John gave Jack a little push forward.
“Thanks.” Jack smiled at his friend.
“You’ll want to hurry up. I think they’re getting pretty close to the ‘I do’ part. Which would be bad.” That got Jack moving.
Jack walked towards the altar and cleared his throat loudly and all eyes turned to him. “Excuse me.”
“Oh, for the love of God!” Harold could not believe this is happening on his son big day.
“Security!” Grey calls out and UNIT members approach Jack.
“Just let me speak my mind and I’ll leave you all alone forever.” Jack pleaded his case to Harold, who thought it over for a moment before nodding to his men to back off. Jack smiled and faced Ianto. “Ianto, it’s true, I met you because I crashed your sister wedding.”
He turns to the guests. “That’s right, I crash weddings. Or at least I used to.” He noticed a couple sitting a few pews back and he pointed to them. “In fact, I crashed your wedding about a year ago. Very nice, by the way. How’s it going for you by the way?” He asked the couple and got a ‘pretty good’ from them and from John at the back of the church, he got cleared throat telling him to get on with it.
“And, yes, it’s true that I’m a lawyer. But my heart is not in my law practice. I mean, I’ve tried to do good. Well, that hasn’t always been true and, well, I’ve lied a lot.” People started shifting in their seats, and John cleared his throat again. “All right, all right! My point is, I’ve changed. I guess I’ve grown up and I don’t know why it took me so long but, well, maybe it’s because I didn’t see anything worth growing up for, and now maybe I do and look, I don’t know… I’m sorry. I’m usually pretty articulate but… I guess it’s a lot harder when you’re not bullshitting.” Jack turns to Rhys at this point. “Sorry, father.”
“Yes, I was a liar. I was a liar because I was scared. But you know what, Ianto? You’re scared too. You’re scared to tell the truth to Grey. You’re not in love with that bozo.” Jack started moving towards Ianto.
With a crimson face Grey moved to intercept Jack. “Okay, I have had enough!” He didn’t get very far when Ianto grabbed his arm and held him place, all the while never taking his eyes off of Jack.
“In fact, I think you might be a little in love with me. I know I’m in love with you. In fact, I love every single thing about you, except you’re at the altar marrying another man. But Ianto, I’ve made a change in my life because of you and maybe you’d like to make a change because of me.” Jack finished speaking and in front of Ianto, holding out his slightly trembling hand.
Ianto looked between Jack and Grey before briefly settling his gaze on Grey. “I’m sorry, Grey.” Ianto stepped away from him and closed the small gap between him and Jack.
Grey turned to Saxon with a look that screamed ‘help me,’ and Harold climbed to his feet. “Ianto,” he said sternly. Ianto turned to face his father. “I’m sure you and Jack will be very happy. At least, try to be, okay?” and he smiled happily at his son.
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Grey shouted in rage. He didn’t know who he wanted to hit more, Jack, Ianto, or Harold.
“Grey, you’re a tool. In fact, you come from a long line of tools. I suppose you’re just maintaining the tool traditions of your family but not with my son.” Harold growled at the other man. “Not anymore.”
Grey didn’t like hearing the truth about himself, not one bit, and he glared at Saxon with impotent rage. Someone was going to pay dearly for getting between Grey and what he wanted. Before anyone at the altar could react, Grey suddenly bolted towards Jack; he was filled with the single-minded intention of once again inflicting some serious damage on the man he decided was responsible for today’s debacle. He wasn’t able to get within inches of Jack’s throat before, as luck would have it, John tackled him to the floor.
John had been content to stand in the back of the church and bask in the glory that was a successful plan. He’d only been paying half a mind to the conversation at the altar; the other half he used to scope out the wedding guests, looking for a potential mark. Not everyone in there knew that his cover had been blown, and besides, maybe one of the female guests went for that sort of thing. He was just narrowing his choices down when the sounds of angry, raised voices interrupted his shopping.
Glancing up towards the altar, John recognised the look on Grey’s face; he’s seen it twice before and both times, he’d ended up flat on his ass and in some serious pain. Without a second thought, John rushed up the center aisle and tackled Grey, sending him to the floor with a resounding thud. Climbing to his feet, John grinned down at the fallen and grinned broadly. “Oh, sorry dude! I don’t know what got into me. I’m seeing a Buddhist about it.”
Ianto turned to Jack with a huge grin on his own face, and in hand-and-hand they began to run from the church with Jack calling over his shoulder, “Thanks, buddy!”
John was still grinning wildly. “My pleasure!”
Tosh noticed John for the first time and she ran to him with a happy cry of “John!” Fighting his first instinct to flee, John rolled his eyes and stood his ground as she flung her arms around his neck. He allowed her to hug him for a second before breaking free and holding her at arms-length.
Andy, deciding ‘what the hell’ went for broke as he reached out and pulled an unsuspecting Owen into a deep kiss that left them both weak in the knees.
As total chaos reigned supreme inside the church, Jack and Ianto paused at the bottom of the steps to share their second kiss. Out on the kerb, the waiting drivers watched with interest and a few even placed a few wagers on how long the kiss would last.
“Where to?” Jack asked after the desperate need for oxygen forced him and Ianto to break their kiss.
“I’m starving!” Ianto answered back with a wonder-filled smiled. He resisted the urge to pinch himself, just in case his being rescued by a knight in shining armour was just a dream. “Think we could crash my reception?” Jack threw back his head and roared with laughter before pulling Ianto in for another soul-searing kiss.
John, who was being chased by Tosh, came rushing past. “Fujimora wedding! Three p.m.” He called over his shoulder as he continued to run from Tosh, although Jack noted that he wasn’t running as fast as he could and that Tosh was certainly well within earshot of his shouted destination.
Jack and Ianto shook their heads in unison just as a late-arriving guest handed Ianto their gift. Ianto hefted the package in his hand before smiling and saying to Jack, “Placing setting.”
Jack’s smile back at Ianto spoke volumes. “Oh yeah,” he agreed as he watched Ianto hand the gift back to the guest. The instant Ianto’s hands were empty, Jack claimed the Welshman’s lips in a quick kiss before they rushed off after John and Tosh.